This is clearly a fool's errand and whatever I say is bound to annoy hundreds of thousands of people one way or another. But what the hell. Here goes....
The formation is 4-4-1-1 and, on principle, Andy Carroll and Darren Bent were not considered. There’s no bias in selection. It’s based on what I’ve seen and how I’ve seen it over the last 9 months.
STEVE HARPER (GK) – Tough choice. There were 4 options and no one entirely nailed it down. All had spells out of favour or out through injury. If I had to pick a man to make a wonder save to win a match, I’d pick Craig Gordon. But he’s fragile and occasionally timid. So I’m going for Mr Reliable. Steve has presence, Steve has character and Steve very rarely messes up.
PHIL BARDSLEY (RB) – I know I’m cheating, but he deserves to be in the team and he is a right back really. Last summer he was destined for a Championship loan-out or Stoke City reserves. The first knockings of the Black Cats epic injury crisis gave him an opportunity and he grabbed it with both hands. Now he’s got a new contract and a left foot he never knew he had.
JOSE ENRIQUE (LB) – Very, very easy choice. He’s answered all the lingering questions left over from the relegation season. He’s been excellent. It wasn’t a vintage year for Ashley Cole or Patrice Evra and Gael Clichy’s overrated, so for me the best left back in the premier league last season was either Leighton Baines or Jose Enrique. Now watch him leave.
FABRIZIO COLOCCINI (CB) – Another one with his fair share of lingering questions to answer after that relegation season and he’s passed his test with flying colours. During his debut premier league campaign he was bullied all over the place. But not this time. The Argentinian has risen to the challenge, become a cult hero on the Gallowgate and I wish I had his hair.
TITUS BRAMBLE (CB) – He was a former Magpie laughing stock and Sunderland fans weren’t exactly bowled over when they bought him. It only took Titus about 5 or 6 games to change their mind. On his day he’s one of the best battering-ram centre backs around. Not quite as formidable after his mid-season injury, but he wasn’t the only one.
JONAS GUTTIEREZ (RM) – A somewhat reluctant selection. I’ve never been his biggest fan and it’s only now, 3 years into his Newcastle career, that I’m beginning to see the point in him. My big problem is his lack of end product. He doesn’t score enough and he doesn’t create enough for a player with his talent. But he works hard and he’s not a show pony, so he’s in.
CHIECK TIOTE (CM) – An unheralded signing who was so good that he was given a new 6-year contract half way through the season. He’s a highly-accomplished midfield destroyer who links play cleverly and moves the ball well. A crowd favourite long before his Lazarus goal against Arsenal. Yes, he get's booked far too much, but he'll grow out of that.
HENDERSON (CM) – I thought long and hard about this one. In fact I changed the formation to fit him in. Partly because I just think he deserves to be part of this team. Partly because he’s the most promising homegrown player in the region post-Carroll. Mostly because he was asked to take on an awful lot this season and he did it all pretty well.
JOEY BARTON (RM) – His form is so good in the present that people have almost stopped talking about his past. Almost, but not quite. He’ll always carry his baggage with him, but he’s found the perfect place to express himself. So he shouldn’t leave. It’s in the best interests of NUFC, Joey Barton and his agent to sort out their differences. A massive, fundamental loss if he leaves.
KEVIN NOLAN (AM) – Captain. Heartbeat. Leader. Top Scorer. Straight talker. Some doubted he’d cope with the athletic side of the premier league, but that was rather missing the point. He’s such a clever player and such a good reader of opponents, that he knows where he needs to be and when he needs to be there. Halloween heroics saw him enter the Hall of Fame.
ASAMOAH GYAN (ST) – He’s done pretty well since his record-busting move and there’s definitely a sprinkling of stardust there. He’s not particularly consistent and he was as bad as everyone else during the great Black Cat collapse of 2011. But he’s a proper player, he’s on twitter and he uses phrases such as “sexy like cheese”.
I present the sport on ITV Tyne Tees and Border. Once, I was question number 3 on the picture round of the quiz at the Blue Bell in Fulwell. My mother was so proud.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Springtime stream of consciousness
What is it about the spring ? Where are the green shoots of recovery in North East football ? Why are we crap when the daffodils are out ? I had a rubbish start to spring, but I've cheered up since then. It was partly because some of it was in February and I don’t believe anyone’s really happy in February. It's a sneaky month. Everyone guards against a post-Christmas lull in January, but no one sees it coming when it hits in February. But what’s Sunderland’s excuse ? I know, Darren bloody Bent. Well, yes with hindsight @DB11TT (or @DB39TT or whatever he is now) has apparently knackered Sunderland’s season with his decision to take the money on offer down the road. But really, can we just lump all the blame onto the gun for hire ? He had, after all, been decidedly moderate during the first half of the season and it was screamingly obvious that his nose was well out of joint once Gyan wafted in with a sprinkling of super-stardust. And are Black Cats fans really going to claim that paying 5 million quid for a thirty-something striker from Stoke City with dodgy knees was going to be good use of the transfer pot ? No. No. No. It’s just the latest dose of Seasonal Affective Disorder on Wearside, because they’ve got a lot of previous when it comes to crap springs. They were rubbish around this time last year as well. Peter Reid’s best team around the turn of the century twice fell away after Christmas when Europe was in their grasp. That’s one of the main conundrums for Steve Bruce to unpick next season – how to keep going till the finishing line. And by the way, I’m prone to knee jerk reactions as much as the next man, but “Bruce out” on the phone-ins ? Really ? I mean REALLY ? Please, please get a grip. He’s the right man in the right place, at the right time and it’s up to him to kick on and make best use of the Stadium of Light opportunities. And opportunity knocks. I was lucky enough to have a couple of inside peeks at Sunderland over the last month or two – I did one of Niall Quinn’s talk-ins and then I happened to find myself in the boardroom after the Liverpool match – and these are serious, passionate, intelligent people with a game plan. So stick with it. Yes, this season’s a bit goosed now, but next season might be very good indeed. Newcastle haven’t been AS bad during the spring but they haven’t been wearing their daffodils with pride either. Like Sunderland, there are mitigating cirumstances (Andy, wherefore art thou Andy ?), but unlike Sunderland, the Magpies have done a decent job of rolling with the punches. It’s been patchy and volatile, but the Wolves win gets them just about over the top and anyone who complains too loudly at Newcastle this season needs to take a long hard look at the last 24 months, and the finances, then just pipe down and realise that the whole point of this season in the premier league was to make sure that next season is in the premier league as well. And there have been lovely little bonuses along the way. Leon Best – who saw that coming ? Joey Barton and Kevin Nolan – the Black and White midfield mafia of the premier league. Chieck Tiote – pound-for-pound up there with Javier Hernandez as the best signing of the season. So don’t complain. Complaining is just a waste of your life. Middlesbrough have quite enjoyed springtime. It was certainly better than the long, hard, grim winter and it was a country mile better than the dismal, depressing resource-sapping summer and autumn that came beforehand. I really, really like Tony Mowbray. He’s honest, he’s got a Boro-red heart and he understands that the manager’s job no longer comes with a silver spoon and an open chequebook. Yes, the club is on shifting, sinking sands financially, because the parachute won’t open so far next season, but they’ve got the right man at the helm. They’re staying up and that’s no small achievement considering the total wreckage Mowbray found when he arrived. Don’t dwell on the manager’s tone too much either. He’s got a quiet, almost downbeat tone about him during his press conferences. But that’s just the way he is. He’s very considered and if you listen to what he’s saying, it always makes sense. Springtime’s been OK for Hartlepool, but the main point there is that “OK” was all it needed to be, because they’d done more than enough beforehand to stay in League One, which was above and beyond what most people were expecting. Carlisle, god bless them, have only gone and won at Wembley in the springtime, when the sun was shining and the ghosts were laid to rest. Peter Murphy’s Daddy Cool story was brilliant and I was so pleased for all of them. The fans, the players, the management, the directors and Andy the kitman-cum-mediaman. They got a good kicking from Southampton 12 months ago and they learned from that and this was catharsis on a grand scale for everyone involved. And spring’s been brilliant for the non-league boys, with Darlo getting to Wembley and Gateshead running them close and Whitley Bay booking their inevitable return ticket for a day out beneath the arch. So I suppose spring’s not been all bad, but I did have a week at work where I felt more conflicted and more unsettled than I ever have during my 139 years in the job. It was nothing to do with my employers or my employment, it was to do with mechanics and ethics and journalistic method, and I will never, ever say anything more about that. Hopefully it’s over and hopefully the sun will keep shining and I’ll cover two more Wembley wins and Newcastle and even SAD-suffering Sunderland will finish with a flourish.
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Decoding January
Any football reporter who tells you he didn't enjoy the January transfer window is lying. It was undoubtedly a pain in the arse, but also a glorious, unstoppable tale of the ever-so-slightly unexpected. It's too early to say who the winners and losers are. But it's fun trying.
Newcastle are two games into life after Andy. They looked listless and shot-shy at Fulham. They were listless and shot-shy x10 in the first half against Arsenal, but then there was the Lazarus moment and suddenly things didn't seem quite so bad. The reassuring thing is that the spirit is still there, even though their best player isn't. For that reason alone, forget the relegation scare stories. Newcastle will be absolutely fine. They'll also have 35 million pounds to spend on new players in the summer, won't they Mr Ashley.......
As for Andy Carroll himself, I'm not so sure. In terms of geography and lifestyle, Liverpool is better for him than London. In terms of the football they play and the football they're going to play under Kenny Dalglish, I'm not so sure it'll suit him. I hope he fulfils his massive potential, I just don't think he should have left home to do it. It was a transfer driven by a ticking clock and a big wad of cash. On January 30th Andy Carroll wasn't worth 35 million. On February the 1st no one in world football would have paid 35 million for him. But on January 31st, with the deadline approaching and the Torres money burning a hole in Liverpool's pocket, Andy Carroll WAS worth 35 million. Had there been more time, I reckon someone would have talked Andy Carroll out of it. As far as Newcastle were concerned, it was good business, there's no denying that. But it was sad business.
Then there's the curious journey of Alan Pardew. He spent the whole of January insisting Andy Carroll wasn't for sale. Then he had to spend an uncomfortable press conference admitting that Andy Carroll was for sale after all. He's becoming Gallowgate's trouble-shooting diplomat. It wasn't his fault they sold Carroll, just as it wasn't his fault they sacked Hughton. But on both occasions, he had to face the music and he had to deal with the consequences. He dealt with it quite well all things considered and depending how much difference you think half time team talks actually make, he's emerged Post-Carroll and Post-Arsenal with a degree of credit. He's the Kofi Annan of St James Park.
Sunderland are three games into life after Darren and results haven't been great. But they have done the one thing they absolutely had to do. They've scored goals. Bent was the principle goalscorer last season and was still top gun this season even though the load had been shared around a bit. They had to prove they could find the net without him and they have. Yes, they're thin up front and yes, the rise of Liverpool makes 6th place look a lot less likely, but it doesn't look like the season's going to fall apart at the seams.
As for Darren Bent, he'll be fine. He got what he considered to be a better offer and he took it. Even if it doesn't work out for him at Villa, there'll be other offers and other badges to kiss.
Then there's Steve Bruce and his retail therapy. He knew fine well he was never going to get Darren Bent's long term replacement in January and he resisted the tempation to overpay for a striker he might only want for 6 months. Instead, he upgraded his squad by shipping out the unwanted and bringing in two he'd been after for a while. Sessegnon and Muntari both look like shrewd acquisitions. Bruce has been guilty of impulse buys in the past, but this time he's played his hand sensibly.
North East football fans are nearly two weeks into their new reality. They've been forced to face up to something they've long suspected, but seldom admitted. It matters to us more than it matters to them. Supporters are brought up wearing a cloak of loyalty. Players wear different clothes. Football's their job, not necessarily their passion. The club is their employer, not their family. They listen to their agents, not their fans. I thought Andy Carroll was different, but one way or another, he wasn't. As the mighty NUFC.COM put it on January the 31st "Football romance is dead, everyone is a liar, contracts should be printed on toilet paper."
Money can’t buy you love. But it can buy your centre forward. Here endeth the lesson of the January 2011 transfer window.
Newcastle are two games into life after Andy. They looked listless and shot-shy at Fulham. They were listless and shot-shy x10 in the first half against Arsenal, but then there was the Lazarus moment and suddenly things didn't seem quite so bad. The reassuring thing is that the spirit is still there, even though their best player isn't. For that reason alone, forget the relegation scare stories. Newcastle will be absolutely fine. They'll also have 35 million pounds to spend on new players in the summer, won't they Mr Ashley.......
As for Andy Carroll himself, I'm not so sure. In terms of geography and lifestyle, Liverpool is better for him than London. In terms of the football they play and the football they're going to play under Kenny Dalglish, I'm not so sure it'll suit him. I hope he fulfils his massive potential, I just don't think he should have left home to do it. It was a transfer driven by a ticking clock and a big wad of cash. On January 30th Andy Carroll wasn't worth 35 million. On February the 1st no one in world football would have paid 35 million for him. But on January 31st, with the deadline approaching and the Torres money burning a hole in Liverpool's pocket, Andy Carroll WAS worth 35 million. Had there been more time, I reckon someone would have talked Andy Carroll out of it. As far as Newcastle were concerned, it was good business, there's no denying that. But it was sad business.
Then there's the curious journey of Alan Pardew. He spent the whole of January insisting Andy Carroll wasn't for sale. Then he had to spend an uncomfortable press conference admitting that Andy Carroll was for sale after all. He's becoming Gallowgate's trouble-shooting diplomat. It wasn't his fault they sold Carroll, just as it wasn't his fault they sacked Hughton. But on both occasions, he had to face the music and he had to deal with the consequences. He dealt with it quite well all things considered and depending how much difference you think half time team talks actually make, he's emerged Post-Carroll and Post-Arsenal with a degree of credit. He's the Kofi Annan of St James Park.
Sunderland are three games into life after Darren and results haven't been great. But they have done the one thing they absolutely had to do. They've scored goals. Bent was the principle goalscorer last season and was still top gun this season even though the load had been shared around a bit. They had to prove they could find the net without him and they have. Yes, they're thin up front and yes, the rise of Liverpool makes 6th place look a lot less likely, but it doesn't look like the season's going to fall apart at the seams.
As for Darren Bent, he'll be fine. He got what he considered to be a better offer and he took it. Even if it doesn't work out for him at Villa, there'll be other offers and other badges to kiss.
Then there's Steve Bruce and his retail therapy. He knew fine well he was never going to get Darren Bent's long term replacement in January and he resisted the tempation to overpay for a striker he might only want for 6 months. Instead, he upgraded his squad by shipping out the unwanted and bringing in two he'd been after for a while. Sessegnon and Muntari both look like shrewd acquisitions. Bruce has been guilty of impulse buys in the past, but this time he's played his hand sensibly.
North East football fans are nearly two weeks into their new reality. They've been forced to face up to something they've long suspected, but seldom admitted. It matters to us more than it matters to them. Supporters are brought up wearing a cloak of loyalty. Players wear different clothes. Football's their job, not necessarily their passion. The club is their employer, not their family. They listen to their agents, not their fans. I thought Andy Carroll was different, but one way or another, he wasn't. As the mighty NUFC.COM put it on January the 31st "Football romance is dead, everyone is a liar, contracts should be printed on toilet paper."
Money can’t buy you love. But it can buy your centre forward. Here endeth the lesson of the January 2011 transfer window.
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
Darren Bent - Dancing in the Dark
“I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say. I come home in the morning, I go to bed feeling the same way. I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself. Hey there baby, I could use just a little help.”
(Bruce Springsteen – Dancing in the Dark)
Has this become the ballad of the modern footballer ? Tired and bored with themselves and always in need of a little help, a little love or a better offer ?
“You can't start a fire. You can't start a fire without a spark. This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark.”
It could have been written for Darren Bent. This fire didn’t start without a spark. This blaze which threatens to burn down the Black Cats season wasn’t just a case of spontaneous combustion. Darren Bent never harboured secret childhood dreams of playing in front of the Holt End. Darren Bent wasn’t even particularly unhappy at Sunderland. Darren Bent is a gun for hire and it really doesn’t matter if he’s swapping 6th place for 17th, because if the deal’s right, he’s happy to go to Aston Villa and dance in the dark.
“Message keeps getting clearer, radio's on and I'm moving round the place. I check myself out in the mirror I wanna change my clothes my hair my face. Man I ain't getting nowhere just sitting in a dump like this. There's something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is.”
This is where it gets sad. For Sunderland fans at least, because this is how the premier league works in 2010. Look in the mirror, listen to the agents, then change your club, change your shirt and get paid. We now know there was a moment last summer when Darren Bent might have left Sunderland. He was talked down then but a seed was planted. “There’s something happening somewhere, baby I just know that there is.” He’s never looked on top of his game this season and he’s looked completely off the pace and a bit sulky for the last couple of months. It begins to look like he decided to change his clothes a while back. You can picture him sat at home thinking “Man I ain’t getting nowhere”, although to be fair I don’t believe he told himself he was “just sitting in a dump like this.” He made an effort to assimilate himself into North East culture during his time here. That earned him respect. I imagine he'll now go and do exactly same in the West Midlands. Black Cats fans will feel rejected, but this gun’s for hire, geography doesn’t matter and Villa fans will already be getting "BENT 39" printed on their shirts.
“You sit around getting older there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me.
I'll shake this world off my shoulders come baby this laughs on me.”
The joke might be on you Darren. Sunderland are 6th in the premier league and, shoddy Derby performances aside, appear to be upwardly mobile. Aston Villa finished 6th last season, but they're suffering a major downturn now. Martin O'Neill and dreams of the Champions League have gone. They've been replaced by Gerard Houllier, a relegation battle and suggestions of unrest in the dressing room. They have a talented squad, but how many of Villa’s young guns will be looking in the mirror right now and considering changing their clothes ? What goes around comes around Darren, and if you play the game this way, don’t be surprised if the game ends up playing you.
“Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright. They say you got to stay hungry hey baby I'm just about starving tonight. I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book. I need a love reaction come on now baby give me just one look.”
Darren Bent is hungry. He’s a good professional and he’ll do the best he can for whatever team he plays for. But he always needs that love reaction and all Aston Villa needed to do was give him just one look. Sunderland fans hoped he felt their passion for the club. They wanted to believe he was ready for a long term relationship. But he wasn’t and he probably never will be. As he said at his press conference at Villa Park, “I had some good times at Sunderland, but that’s all behind me now.” Look in the mirror, listen to the agent, change your clothes, count your pay rise and don’t look back. He’s created a huge problem for Steve Bruce and Sunderland, who must race against time to replenish their resources before the final premier league push. But it’s not Darren Bent’s problem. Sunderland fans also face a dilemma. How are they supposed to react to this ? Maybe more could have been done to try and persuade him to stay, but supporters can’t accuse the club of lacking ambition. It’s Darren Bent’s ambitions that are the issue here. It’s just sad for fans to realise that he wasn’t who they thought he was. They hoped he was another Niall Quinn or Kevin Phillips, but he's a different beast entirely. It was fun while it lasted and he leaves some great memories behind, but this is modern football and Darren Bent is a modern footballer. Remember……
“This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark.”
(Bruce Springsteen – Dancing in the Dark)
Has this become the ballad of the modern footballer ? Tired and bored with themselves and always in need of a little help, a little love or a better offer ?
“You can't start a fire. You can't start a fire without a spark. This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark.”
It could have been written for Darren Bent. This fire didn’t start without a spark. This blaze which threatens to burn down the Black Cats season wasn’t just a case of spontaneous combustion. Darren Bent never harboured secret childhood dreams of playing in front of the Holt End. Darren Bent wasn’t even particularly unhappy at Sunderland. Darren Bent is a gun for hire and it really doesn’t matter if he’s swapping 6th place for 17th, because if the deal’s right, he’s happy to go to Aston Villa and dance in the dark.
“Message keeps getting clearer, radio's on and I'm moving round the place. I check myself out in the mirror I wanna change my clothes my hair my face. Man I ain't getting nowhere just sitting in a dump like this. There's something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is.”
This is where it gets sad. For Sunderland fans at least, because this is how the premier league works in 2010. Look in the mirror, listen to the agents, then change your club, change your shirt and get paid. We now know there was a moment last summer when Darren Bent might have left Sunderland. He was talked down then but a seed was planted. “There’s something happening somewhere, baby I just know that there is.” He’s never looked on top of his game this season and he’s looked completely off the pace and a bit sulky for the last couple of months. It begins to look like he decided to change his clothes a while back. You can picture him sat at home thinking “Man I ain’t getting nowhere”, although to be fair I don’t believe he told himself he was “just sitting in a dump like this.” He made an effort to assimilate himself into North East culture during his time here. That earned him respect. I imagine he'll now go and do exactly same in the West Midlands. Black Cats fans will feel rejected, but this gun’s for hire, geography doesn’t matter and Villa fans will already be getting "BENT 39" printed on their shirts.
“You sit around getting older there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me.
I'll shake this world off my shoulders come baby this laughs on me.”
The joke might be on you Darren. Sunderland are 6th in the premier league and, shoddy Derby performances aside, appear to be upwardly mobile. Aston Villa finished 6th last season, but they're suffering a major downturn now. Martin O'Neill and dreams of the Champions League have gone. They've been replaced by Gerard Houllier, a relegation battle and suggestions of unrest in the dressing room. They have a talented squad, but how many of Villa’s young guns will be looking in the mirror right now and considering changing their clothes ? What goes around comes around Darren, and if you play the game this way, don’t be surprised if the game ends up playing you.
“Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright. They say you got to stay hungry hey baby I'm just about starving tonight. I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book. I need a love reaction come on now baby give me just one look.”
Darren Bent is hungry. He’s a good professional and he’ll do the best he can for whatever team he plays for. But he always needs that love reaction and all Aston Villa needed to do was give him just one look. Sunderland fans hoped he felt their passion for the club. They wanted to believe he was ready for a long term relationship. But he wasn’t and he probably never will be. As he said at his press conference at Villa Park, “I had some good times at Sunderland, but that’s all behind me now.” Look in the mirror, listen to the agent, change your clothes, count your pay rise and don’t look back. He’s created a huge problem for Steve Bruce and Sunderland, who must race against time to replenish their resources before the final premier league push. But it’s not Darren Bent’s problem. Sunderland fans also face a dilemma. How are they supposed to react to this ? Maybe more could have been done to try and persuade him to stay, but supporters can’t accuse the club of lacking ambition. It’s Darren Bent’s ambitions that are the issue here. It’s just sad for fans to realise that he wasn’t who they thought he was. They hoped he was another Niall Quinn or Kevin Phillips, but he's a different beast entirely. It was fun while it lasted and he leaves some great memories behind, but this is modern football and Darren Bent is a modern footballer. Remember……
“This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark.”
Thursday, 30 December 2010
Memories 2010
North East football is another year older, but I'm none the wiser. Just when I think I've worked it out, Ashley goes and sacks Hughton. Or Sunderland go months without a win. Or Gordon Strachan turns out to be a great, big dud. But I've really enjoyed the last 12 months. Some bits more than others mind.....
HEROES OF 2010
5. STEVE BRUCE. Started the year on the crest of a slump. Then recovered. Told a big fat lie about not doing much business over the summer. Broke the transfer record again. Then carried the can for Sunderland's worst derby day in 50 years. But Sunderland's recovery from their Halloween hell has been impressive. Steve Bruce is making progress.
4. KEVIN NOLAN. The leader of the pack. Influential, responsible, clever and effective. Brilliant in the Championship and then reassuringly effective in the Premier League. His place in the hearts and the history books is assured after his hat trick in the Derby.
3. DARREN BENT. The first 10 months of his calender year were terrific. His debut season at Sunderland was virtually perfect, on and off the pitch. He should have gone to the World Cup, although was probably best off out of it. Then @DB11TT went back on twitter and picked up where he left off at the start of the new campaign. Things have gone a bit wonky since then though. An injury and a barren spell meant the year didn't finish on a great note. But how does the old saying go ? "Form is temporary, class is permanent."
2. ANDY CARROLL. In January he was just another championship striker with everything to prove. By the end of the year he was an England International, the hottest property in the premier league and a recurring theme in the nightmares of defenders accross the land. As long as he sorts himself out off the pitch, the sky is the limit.
1. CHRIS HUGHTON. Just for a moment, think what might have happened without him. Take a few seconds to think of what he achieved with very little money and very little actual managerial experience. Remember how his players fought for him to get a new contract and how they mourned his departure. Smile as you recall his often bland press conferences, which were short on soundbites but long on dignity. Then shake your head once more at the madness and unfairness of it all. Chris Hughton's not perfect, but he did a great job at Newcastle in sometimes awful circumstance. He left with his head held high and he'll always have Halloween.
VILLAINS OF 2010
5. KRIS BOYD. It turns out the Scottish Football reporters were right. They were never convinced that the SPL's record goalscorer had an all-round game that stood up to scrutiny. Boyd stands accused now of being football's ultimate flat track bully. Put him in the best team in Scotland and he'll score goal after goal against whatever rubbish rocks up at Ibrox. Put him in the 19th best team in the championship and you get very little.
4. LEE CATTERMOLE. Well, he's just a villain isn't he. A pantomime villain. He's not had a bad year, just a notorious year. Three red cards in 2010 and there could have been many more. The yellow is almost a given in every game and you can usually see it coming before he does. He's got the makings of a great captain, but only if the penny drops, because it's no use being the heartbeat of your team if you're never available to play for them. Encouraging signs on that score towards the end of the year.
3. DARLINGTON FC. Do you remember Ryan Kidd ? I don't blame you if you don't. Perhaps you were on holiday for the 11 days in June when Ryan Kidd was manager of Darlington before deciding that, on second thoughts, he just didn't fancy it. But Ryan Kidd sums up the Quakers 2010. A year that was stupendously, ridiculously awful. The sins of the past meant relegation was inevitable. Banishment from the Football League was the ultimate punishment, but the Quakers very own managerial merry-go-round provided a grotesque sideshow. Staunton failed, Davey two-timed and Kidd just ran away. The fans didn't deserve it and nor did the chairman and after a rocky start, hopefully Mark Cooper can lead them to a brighter 2011. It can't be any worse.
2. MIKE ASHLEY. It's his football club and Mike Ashley will do exactly what he wants to do with it and he doesn't care, not even a little, what you or I think. Not only that, he's never, ever going to explain to you or I why he drops these bombshells, because it's his football club and he doesn't care what you think about his reasons anyway.
1. GORDON STRACHAN. Occasionally very funny. From time to time quite profound. But mostly unpleasant, sarcastic and a bit of a know-it-all. Except it turns out he didn't know it all. He was given the platform and the resources to pull Middlesbrough out of the hole the club had fallen into. But he just kept on digging. He didn't take the money, so he left with his reputation as a man intact. But as for his reputation as a manager, that's in tatters.
MATCHES OF 2010
5. WHITLEY BAY 6 WROXHAM 1. Haway the Bay x2. This time with more goals and a genuinely emotional finale as Mark Taylor, one of the boys of 2009, was ushered up to collect the FA Vase as he battled Motor Neurone Disease.
4. NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 NOTTINGHAM FOREST 0. The best team in the championship beat the third best team in the championship in a fine match at the end of March and Tyneside breathed a sigh of relief as they realised the job was done and the nightmare was almost over.
3. CHELSEA 0 SUNDERLAND 3. Blimey. Who saw that coming ?
2. SUNDERLAND 3 SPURS 1. Bonkers game at the SoL as Benty scored twice against his old club and also managed to miss two from the spot before Zenden wrapped it up with a screamer and we all left wondering what Harry Redknapp's wife is like at taking penalties.
1. NEWCASTLE UNITED 5 SUNDERLAND 1. Whether it brought you joy or pain, it was the one game that will be talked about for years to come. Two extremes of performance collided on the same day to produce the most one-sided ass-kicking in a generation. Sunderland fans suffered, but at least their team quickly recovered. Newcastle fans went out and bought the DVD.
HEROES OF 2010
5. STEVE BRUCE. Started the year on the crest of a slump. Then recovered. Told a big fat lie about not doing much business over the summer. Broke the transfer record again. Then carried the can for Sunderland's worst derby day in 50 years. But Sunderland's recovery from their Halloween hell has been impressive. Steve Bruce is making progress.
4. KEVIN NOLAN. The leader of the pack. Influential, responsible, clever and effective. Brilliant in the Championship and then reassuringly effective in the Premier League. His place in the hearts and the history books is assured after his hat trick in the Derby.
3. DARREN BENT. The first 10 months of his calender year were terrific. His debut season at Sunderland was virtually perfect, on and off the pitch. He should have gone to the World Cup, although was probably best off out of it. Then @DB11TT went back on twitter and picked up where he left off at the start of the new campaign. Things have gone a bit wonky since then though. An injury and a barren spell meant the year didn't finish on a great note. But how does the old saying go ? "Form is temporary, class is permanent."
2. ANDY CARROLL. In January he was just another championship striker with everything to prove. By the end of the year he was an England International, the hottest property in the premier league and a recurring theme in the nightmares of defenders accross the land. As long as he sorts himself out off the pitch, the sky is the limit.
1. CHRIS HUGHTON. Just for a moment, think what might have happened without him. Take a few seconds to think of what he achieved with very little money and very little actual managerial experience. Remember how his players fought for him to get a new contract and how they mourned his departure. Smile as you recall his often bland press conferences, which were short on soundbites but long on dignity. Then shake your head once more at the madness and unfairness of it all. Chris Hughton's not perfect, but he did a great job at Newcastle in sometimes awful circumstance. He left with his head held high and he'll always have Halloween.
VILLAINS OF 2010
5. KRIS BOYD. It turns out the Scottish Football reporters were right. They were never convinced that the SPL's record goalscorer had an all-round game that stood up to scrutiny. Boyd stands accused now of being football's ultimate flat track bully. Put him in the best team in Scotland and he'll score goal after goal against whatever rubbish rocks up at Ibrox. Put him in the 19th best team in the championship and you get very little.
4. LEE CATTERMOLE. Well, he's just a villain isn't he. A pantomime villain. He's not had a bad year, just a notorious year. Three red cards in 2010 and there could have been many more. The yellow is almost a given in every game and you can usually see it coming before he does. He's got the makings of a great captain, but only if the penny drops, because it's no use being the heartbeat of your team if you're never available to play for them. Encouraging signs on that score towards the end of the year.
3. DARLINGTON FC. Do you remember Ryan Kidd ? I don't blame you if you don't. Perhaps you were on holiday for the 11 days in June when Ryan Kidd was manager of Darlington before deciding that, on second thoughts, he just didn't fancy it. But Ryan Kidd sums up the Quakers 2010. A year that was stupendously, ridiculously awful. The sins of the past meant relegation was inevitable. Banishment from the Football League was the ultimate punishment, but the Quakers very own managerial merry-go-round provided a grotesque sideshow. Staunton failed, Davey two-timed and Kidd just ran away. The fans didn't deserve it and nor did the chairman and after a rocky start, hopefully Mark Cooper can lead them to a brighter 2011. It can't be any worse.
2. MIKE ASHLEY. It's his football club and Mike Ashley will do exactly what he wants to do with it and he doesn't care, not even a little, what you or I think. Not only that, he's never, ever going to explain to you or I why he drops these bombshells, because it's his football club and he doesn't care what you think about his reasons anyway.
1. GORDON STRACHAN. Occasionally very funny. From time to time quite profound. But mostly unpleasant, sarcastic and a bit of a know-it-all. Except it turns out he didn't know it all. He was given the platform and the resources to pull Middlesbrough out of the hole the club had fallen into. But he just kept on digging. He didn't take the money, so he left with his reputation as a man intact. But as for his reputation as a manager, that's in tatters.
MATCHES OF 2010
5. WHITLEY BAY 6 WROXHAM 1. Haway the Bay x2. This time with more goals and a genuinely emotional finale as Mark Taylor, one of the boys of 2009, was ushered up to collect the FA Vase as he battled Motor Neurone Disease.
4. NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 NOTTINGHAM FOREST 0. The best team in the championship beat the third best team in the championship in a fine match at the end of March and Tyneside breathed a sigh of relief as they realised the job was done and the nightmare was almost over.
3. CHELSEA 0 SUNDERLAND 3. Blimey. Who saw that coming ?
2. SUNDERLAND 3 SPURS 1. Bonkers game at the SoL as Benty scored twice against his old club and also managed to miss two from the spot before Zenden wrapped it up with a screamer and we all left wondering what Harry Redknapp's wife is like at taking penalties.
1. NEWCASTLE UNITED 5 SUNDERLAND 1. Whether it brought you joy or pain, it was the one game that will be talked about for years to come. Two extremes of performance collided on the same day to produce the most one-sided ass-kicking in a generation. Sunderland fans suffered, but at least their team quickly recovered. Newcastle fans went out and bought the DVD.
Thursday, 16 December 2010
A Room with an Alan
It could have been Alan Partridge walking into that press conference and no one would have been that surprised. Once the chaos button is pressed at St James Park, anything can happen. But it wasn’t Alan Partridge, it was Alan Pardew, sitting by himself and taking responsibility for a mess that he hadn’t created. He wasn’t like Partridge at all. One week, one win and two press conferences later, it’s time to give credit where credit’s due. Alan Pardew has managed to create a good first impression out of what appeared to be a no-win situation. He handled his first press conference with as much dignity and honesty as was possible given that he was wearing dead man’s shoes. He didn’t dodge the Chris Hughton issue and he gave everyone an interview during an exhaustive media schedule. And here’s something you probably didn’t know. He CHOSE to sit by himself at the top table. He wanted to take the questions because he wanted it to be HIS press conference, not a chance for the media to throw stones at the Newcastle United hierachy. Brave, if nothing else. Throughout it all he never came across as arrogant or self-possessed and he was unswervingly polite. If there was a message he was trying to get across it was simply that this was not his fault. He didn’t sack Chris Hughton and he didn’t force anyone to give him the job. As an out of work football manager, what was he supposed to do when offered a premier league gig ? All Alan Pardew did last week was convince Mike Ashley to give him a five and a year contract and then win his first match in charge. As for the vague smell of “Cockney Croneyism” wafting in the background, well I don’t really buy that. Whatever else Ashley is, he’s definitely a shrewd businessman and the idea that he’d give the job to someone just because he was Derek Llambias drinking buddy just seems beyond ridiculous. So it’s time to move forward and what we're left with is a new manager who’s launched a successful charm offensive during his first seven days. But this is all about the charm so far and not about the offensive. Alan Pardew’s been nice. He’s shaken everyone’s hand and, it’s worth repeating, he’s won his first match in charge. Of course just because he comes across as a decent bloke doesn’t mean he’s going to be a great manager of Newcastle United. But the point is that there’s no reason to assume he’s going to fail either. He may not be who you wanted, but he’s here now, you’re all stuck with each other and you might as well make the best of it. Alan Pardew walked into that room last week, not Alan Partridge, and seven days on it’s going fine. Lots of football managers are like Partridge actually. Pompous gasbags who are blissfully unaware of their own problems. But this one isn't. He’ll never be Alan Shearer, but he’s no Alan Partridge either.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
The Admirable Hughton
It's often said that life at Newcastle United is the stuff of great drama. A theatre of the unpredictable, and occasionally, the absurd. You couldn’t make it up. You couldn’t write it. Oh, but you could. In 1902, J.M.Barrie wrote a play called “The Admirable Crichton”. If Newcastle United’s former manager - a cultured, intelligent and civilised man - ever chances across a revival of this work, he may allow himself a wry smile. Very briefly, the play is about a loyal and resourceful butler who works for an aristocratic family. Crichton’s purpose was to serve, but due to extraordinary circumstances he became, for a while, the leader. He and the family were shipwrecked on a desert island and Crichton was the only person who knew how to keep them alive. He did a fine job as leader, but eventually they were rescued, the status quo returned, Crichton went back to service and eventually, so as not to cause any social embarrassment, he left the family. Does this ring any bells ?
Chris Hughton became Newcastle Manager by accident. He was the last man standing after the dreadful relegation from the premier league. Alan Shearer never got a phone call, no decisions were taken during the uncomfortable summer of 2009 and when the new season rolled around they needed someone to pick the team. So the club turned to the Admirable Hughton and asked him to keep them alive after they were shipwrecked in the Championship. And he flourished. He was the loyal, resourceful man who knew what was required in these extraordinary circumstances. He united a fractious group of players and encouraged a strong sense of collective responsibility. Newcastle United enjoyed a successful, uplifting season, winning the Championship at a canter. The Admirable Hughton had rescued Newcastle United. They were back in the premier league and the status quo had been restored. No one should be surprised at the events that have unfolded since then.
Rememner, once the status quo was restored, the family no longer needed the loyal and resourceful servant to be their leader. They wanted someone more appropriate to their social status, so as not to cause embarrassment. So the Admirable Hughton was cast aside in favour of a bigger name, a more experienced manager, or a more appropriate drinking buddy.
The football argument is that the Admirable Hughton was JUST a coach, NOT a manager. He was the perfect man to steer a superior squad through the Championship badlands, but now they're dining at the top table again, Newcastle require someone used to mixing with the aristocracy. If you absolutely must stretch the point to it's limits, you can maybe, sort of, see something in that.
But the Admirable Hughton's achievements offer a very persuasive counter-argument. There was promotion, silverware and redemption. This season has touched perfection at St James Park (you know what day I mean) and while there have been bad days, the league position and the points-to-games ratio were absolutely fine. Added to that were the unseen elements, the factors that don't show up on the stats sheet. The unity of the dressing room and the one-for-all-all-for-one spirit. The vague and unusual feeling (illusion) of stability. There must be a danger that at least some of that will drain away.
But it's up to the aristocracy in this particular version of the drama. It's up to Mike Ashley. It's his club and if he thinks the loyal, resourceful Admirable Hughton has served his purpose, then the rest of the family just has to accept it and move on. Those are the rules of the game. They're always the rules of this game. It's sad, but don't dwell too long on the moral argument, the idea that the Admirable Hughton is a good man and deserves so much better than this. That argument is absolutely 100% true. But there's no such thing as a moral argument in this game. Time to move on.
The Admirable Hughton leaves with his head held high and with his reputation significantly enhanced. He will always have a place in the hearts and the history books at St James Park.
Chris Hughton became Newcastle Manager by accident. He was the last man standing after the dreadful relegation from the premier league. Alan Shearer never got a phone call, no decisions were taken during the uncomfortable summer of 2009 and when the new season rolled around they needed someone to pick the team. So the club turned to the Admirable Hughton and asked him to keep them alive after they were shipwrecked in the Championship. And he flourished. He was the loyal, resourceful man who knew what was required in these extraordinary circumstances. He united a fractious group of players and encouraged a strong sense of collective responsibility. Newcastle United enjoyed a successful, uplifting season, winning the Championship at a canter. The Admirable Hughton had rescued Newcastle United. They were back in the premier league and the status quo had been restored. No one should be surprised at the events that have unfolded since then.
Rememner, once the status quo was restored, the family no longer needed the loyal and resourceful servant to be their leader. They wanted someone more appropriate to their social status, so as not to cause embarrassment. So the Admirable Hughton was cast aside in favour of a bigger name, a more experienced manager, or a more appropriate drinking buddy.
The football argument is that the Admirable Hughton was JUST a coach, NOT a manager. He was the perfect man to steer a superior squad through the Championship badlands, but now they're dining at the top table again, Newcastle require someone used to mixing with the aristocracy. If you absolutely must stretch the point to it's limits, you can maybe, sort of, see something in that.
But the Admirable Hughton's achievements offer a very persuasive counter-argument. There was promotion, silverware and redemption. This season has touched perfection at St James Park (you know what day I mean) and while there have been bad days, the league position and the points-to-games ratio were absolutely fine. Added to that were the unseen elements, the factors that don't show up on the stats sheet. The unity of the dressing room and the one-for-all-all-for-one spirit. The vague and unusual feeling (illusion) of stability. There must be a danger that at least some of that will drain away.
But it's up to the aristocracy in this particular version of the drama. It's up to Mike Ashley. It's his club and if he thinks the loyal, resourceful Admirable Hughton has served his purpose, then the rest of the family just has to accept it and move on. Those are the rules of the game. They're always the rules of this game. It's sad, but don't dwell too long on the moral argument, the idea that the Admirable Hughton is a good man and deserves so much better than this. That argument is absolutely 100% true. But there's no such thing as a moral argument in this game. Time to move on.
The Admirable Hughton leaves with his head held high and with his reputation significantly enhanced. He will always have a place in the hearts and the history books at St James Park.
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