Decoding January

Any football reporter who tells you he didn't enjoy the January transfer window is lying. It was undoubtedly a pain in the arse, but also a glorious, unstoppable tale of the ever-so-slightly unexpected. It's too early to say who the winners and losers are. But it's fun trying.

Newcastle are two games into life after Andy. They looked listless and shot-shy at Fulham. They were listless and shot-shy x10 in the first half against Arsenal, but then there was the Lazarus moment and suddenly things didn't seem quite so bad. The reassuring thing is that the spirit is still there, even though their best player isn't. For that reason alone, forget the relegation scare stories. Newcastle will be absolutely fine. They'll also have 35 million pounds to spend on new players in the summer, won't they Mr Ashley.......

As for Andy Carroll himself, I'm not so sure. In terms of geography and lifestyle, Liverpool is better for him than London. In terms of the football they play and the football they're going to play under Kenny Dalglish, I'm not so sure it'll suit him. I hope he fulfils his massive potential, I just don't think he should have left home to do it. It was a transfer driven by a ticking clock and a big wad of cash. On January 30th Andy Carroll wasn't worth 35 million. On February the 1st no one in world football would have paid 35 million for him. But on January 31st, with the deadline approaching and the Torres money burning a hole in Liverpool's pocket, Andy Carroll WAS worth 35 million. Had there been more time, I reckon someone would have talked Andy Carroll out of it. As far as Newcastle were concerned, it was good business, there's no denying that. But it was sad business.

Then there's the curious journey of Alan Pardew. He spent the whole of January insisting Andy Carroll wasn't for sale. Then he had to spend an uncomfortable press conference admitting that Andy Carroll was for sale after all. He's becoming Gallowgate's trouble-shooting diplomat. It wasn't his fault they sold Carroll, just as it wasn't his fault they sacked Hughton. But on both occasions, he had to face the music and he had to deal with the consequences. He dealt with it quite well all things considered and depending how much difference you think half time team talks actually make, he's emerged Post-Carroll and Post-Arsenal with a degree of credit. He's the Kofi Annan of St James Park.

Sunderland are three games into life after Darren and results haven't been great. But they have done the one thing they absolutely had to do. They've scored goals. Bent was the principle goalscorer last season and was still top gun this season even though the load had been shared around a bit. They had to prove they could find the net without him and they have. Yes, they're thin up front and yes, the rise of Liverpool makes 6th place look a lot less likely, but it doesn't look like the season's going to fall apart at the seams.

As for Darren Bent, he'll be fine. He got what he considered to be a better offer and he took it. Even if it doesn't work out for him at Villa, there'll be other offers and other badges to kiss.

Then there's Steve Bruce and his retail therapy. He knew fine well he was never going to get Darren Bent's long term replacement in January and he resisted the tempation to overpay for a striker he might only want for 6 months. Instead, he upgraded his squad by shipping out the unwanted and bringing in two he'd been after for a while. Sessegnon and Muntari both look like shrewd acquisitions. Bruce has been guilty of impulse buys in the past, but this time he's played his hand sensibly.

North East football fans are nearly two weeks into their new reality. They've been forced to face up to something they've long suspected, but seldom admitted. It matters to us more than it matters to them. Supporters are brought up wearing a cloak of loyalty. Players wear different clothes. Football's their job, not necessarily their passion. The club is their employer, not their family. They listen to their agents, not their fans. I thought Andy Carroll was different, but one way or another, he wasn't. As the mighty NUFC.COM put it on January the 31st "Football romance is dead, everyone is a liar, contracts should be printed on toilet paper."

Money can’t buy you love. But it can buy your centre forward. Here endeth the lesson of the January 2011 transfer window.

A Room with an Alan

It could have been Alan Partridge walking into that press conference and no one would have been that surprised. Once the chaos button is pressed at St James Park, anything can happen. But it wasn’t Alan Partridge, it was Alan Pardew, sitting by himself and taking responsibility for a mess that he hadn’t created. He wasn’t like Partridge at all. One week, one win and two press conferences later, it’s time to give credit where credit’s due. Alan Pardew has managed to create a good first impression out of what appeared to be a no-win situation. He handled his first press conference with as much dignity and honesty as was possible given that he was wearing dead man’s shoes. He didn’t dodge the Chris Hughton issue and he gave everyone an interview during an exhaustive media schedule. And here’s something you probably didn’t know. He CHOSE to sit by himself at the top table. He wanted to take the questions because he wanted it to be HIS press conference, not a chance for the media to throw stones at the Newcastle United hierachy. Brave, if nothing else. Throughout it all he never came across as arrogant or self-possessed and he was unswervingly polite. If there was a message he was trying to get across it was simply that this was not his fault. He didn’t sack Chris Hughton and he didn’t force anyone to give him the job. As an out of work football manager, what was he supposed to do when offered a premier league gig ? All Alan Pardew did last week was convince Mike Ashley to give him a five and a year contract and then win his first match in charge. As for the vague smell of “Cockney Croneyism” wafting in the background, well I don’t really buy that. Whatever else Ashley is, he’s definitely a shrewd businessman and the idea that he’d give the job to someone just because he was Derek Llambias drinking buddy just seems beyond ridiculous. So it’s time to move forward and what we're left with is a new manager who’s launched a successful charm offensive during his first seven days. But this is all about the charm so far and not about the offensive. Alan Pardew’s been nice. He’s shaken everyone’s hand and, it’s worth repeating, he’s won his first match in charge. Of course just because he comes across as a decent bloke doesn’t mean he’s going to be a great manager of Newcastle United. But the point is that there’s no reason to assume he’s going to fail either. He may not be who you wanted, but he’s here now, you’re all stuck with each other and you might as well make the best of it. Alan Pardew walked into that room last week, not Alan Partridge, and seven days on it’s going fine. Lots of football managers are like Partridge actually. Pompous gasbags who are blissfully unaware of their own problems. But this one isn't. He’ll never be Alan Shearer, but he’s no Alan Partridge either.