1. ENGLAND. RUBBISH. The fault lines running beneath the surface of the premier league for years and years were brutally exposed. One-dimensional young men, created by a one-dimensional academy system, playing one-dimensional football.
2. 4-4-2 IS HISTORY. No one plays this anymore. Except us. The days of rigid lines are gone, possibly forever.
3. JABULANI. Do you remember orange Striker balls ? 99p floaters from the news agents. They were great. Although as soon as they went in a rose bush, that was that. Strange to see their modern equivalent used at the World Cup.
4. STANDING STILL. IT DOESN’T WORK. Ask France. Ask Italy. Ask England.
5. VUVUZELAS. If that’s what South Africans want to do, then good for them. But please, don’t bring it over here. It makes every match sound and feel exactly the same. I like to hear what crowds are singing and chanting. I don't like the sound of angry bees.
6. THE SOUTH AMERICAN CON. Week One. South American teams light up the tournament. Week four. All European Final.
7. SIR ALEX FERGUSON. CRAFTY OLD FOX. Javier who ? Javier Hernandez of Mexico, scorer of two very impressive goals at the World Cup. That’s who.
8. 4-2-3-1. THE FORMATION THAT EATS ITSELF. The new fashion. Glass half full = set up to free your attacking players to flourish without rigid lines and boundaries. Encourages expression, movement and creativity. Glass half empty = Stick two borderline-psychotic defensive midfielders ten yards in front of your centre backs and kick lumps out of anyone showing any expression, movement or creativity.
9. GOALLINE TECHNOLOGY. Well, obviously.
10. WORLD CUPS AREN’T WHAT THEY USED TO BE. To be clear, South Africa as a nation did a great job of hosting it and I really hope there is a lasting football and social legacy for the country and the continent. But the football was mostly boring and that’s ultimately what a World Cup has to be judged on. It lacked a truly classic game. It certainly lacked a truly classic superstar. For me, it was only saved from utter mediocrity by Spain and Germany. Germany came and gave it a go and tried something different with mostly young players. Spain started slowly, but by the end they were head and shoulders above everyone else. Thank God they won the final after that vile display from Holland.
I present the sport on ITV Tyne Tees and Border. Once, I was question number 3 on the picture round of the quiz at the Blue Bell in Fulwell. My mother was so proud.
